brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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