Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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