Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
