I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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