He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
