I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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