We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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