My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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