Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
