What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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