I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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