my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
