my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
