:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
