i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
