Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I died a long time ago.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
