She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
