i just wanna soil my oats bro
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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