I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
