My sheets look like a crime scene.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
