Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
