I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
