He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
