you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
