My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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