Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
