Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
