i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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