Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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