things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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