shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
