If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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