ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
