my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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