A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
