she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
