The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I see more hoeing in ur future
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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