well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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