so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
