I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
