what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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