party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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