You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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