Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
