come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
