did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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