Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
