Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
