It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i think i just lost a toe
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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