mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to have your abortion
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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