Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
