she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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