Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
